The Dueling Peckers

pecker This is the story of the dueling peckers. One by name and the other by number.

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This is the story of the dueling peckers. One by name and the other by number.

Once upon a time, there were two peckers. One was a millionaire and the other a billionaire (David Pecker and Jeff Bezos respectively). Both peckers competed with the other in the ever-evolving news media. For years the millionaire pecker was considered tabloid news and not taken seriously. While the billionaire pecker was considered real news and easily believed. But as fate would have it, and as time past by, the tabloid news became real news and the real news became fake.

One day, by happenstance, the path of the two peckers crossed when the millionaire pecker got explicit pictures of the billionaire’s pecker and threatened to expose it all. Fearing his pecker would be exposed for the entire world to see, the billionaire pecker decided to get in front of his pecker to keep it from being seen.

The billionaire pecker hired a private investigator to find out how the millionaire pecker got the pictures. He then went public with his findings and charged the millionaire pecker with extortion.


In a social media post, the billionaire pecker claimed that the millionaire pecker was threatening to expose his pecker if he didn’t comply and have his media minions write a positive piece about him and tell no lie.

But not so fast responded the millionaire pecker. It wasn’t extortion but rather negotiations. Which he said is typical amongst competing peckers.

With each pecker standing tall against the other and refusing to give an inch, they got their lawyers involved and went on a media blitz. Hoping to break the other into giving in or backing down. Each pecker vowing to force the other into submission.

With much on the line especially for the billionaire pecker, for not only is he a billionaire but the world’s richest pecker. Oh, what the world would do to see that rich pecker. The pecker of a billionaire, whose lapse in judgment with his mistress, now has his pecker at the center of attention.

Will it be exposed by the millionaire pecker or will it be closed by the fight of the billionaire pecker? It remains to be seen, as the two peckers are still dueling it out for all to see.

While the saga of the competing peckers works its way through the media cycle, perhaps we can all find solace in knowing that a billionaire with a smartphone and idle time on his hands is just like any other purveyor. He likes taking pictures of his pecker to waste the time.  And while the ending of this story is yet to be seen stay tuned my friends for the story of the dueling peckers.

– robjh1

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